It gets better

The mind meandered when you left.
Traitorous, it brought tears to the eyes
and knives to the heart.

Blood flows unseen,
unstoppable where it must,
evidenced only by bruises on skin.

It gets better, I tell myself.

Fall in love

Every year around this time I fall in love.

Not with someone special but with the promise of the season. Christmas is just around the corner and there's something magical about the drop in temperatures, the longer nights, the softer yet festive lighting, and the thought of gifts - for self, for the ones we love and the people we care for. I fall in love with it all, year after year.

My favorite thing about Christmas approaching is the idea of getting shiny new things that make me feel every inch a woman. And nothing does that for me than sexy intimates, good lingerie that give me the support I need. I was recently looking into Wacoal's fine line of lingerie at Zalora and fell in love with this half-cup t-shirt bra. The fact that it's in a punchy animal print is all sorts of wonderful. 

Don't get me started on animal prints! Wendy Nguyen does it best here. And here. It's all in the details. I like my animal prints strategically peeking from a nonchalant white shirt over shorts and sneakers for a nice weekend out or paired with nude platforms for that quiet femininity with a hint of boldness in the office. 

Often we forget about what's inside in our quest for the perfect outerwear. I like to invest in good quality intimates to take my outfit to the next level.


Speaking of outfits, I took my knee-high boots out for a spin one time, weather-permitting, and I feel like I've run out of outfit ideas. As a big fan of dresses, this funnel neck dress from Mango would look lovely with my boots and a pair of lightweight tights. This outfit idea may seem like a stretch for my tropical Philippines but for someone who works at night, I find myself taking advantage of the cooler temperature to let my imagination soar.

Love me a good neutral paired with an accent piece -- animal print, of course! You know what else I love? A really good book, especially those hard-to-find ones. A good friend recently chanced upon I Wrote This For You and graciously gave me the book. She must have seen how my face lit up like a thousand Christmas lights and felt compelled to give me an early Christmas gift. See what I did there? Here's a favorite from that book ---

The Winter Child
In bright white snow, when everything sleeps.
And hope has left you lonely.
When all you ever remember about summer is how it ended.
I send hope back to you. wherever you are.
I hope you remember all the people you still have time to be.
I hope the little things in your life inspire you to do big things with it.
I hope you remember that summer comes every year and that the sun is still sweet.
I hope you learn to hope again.
I, still, hope.

I have entered a life which requires me to spend a huge chunk of my time with myself. I'm not complaining but there are things I miss. This lonesomeness, so felt and strangely intrusive does something to you. A something that can only be allayed by movement. These days, I no longer count moments or memories. I measure my time in increments: an hour's worth of chores, a couple of hours spent reading. 

On a practical level, the exercise of limbs and mind is always a good thing. Movement is always a good thing. After all, the reaching for something worthwhile begins with putting one foot in front of the other.

Tango

I danced with your demons.

You hightailed at first sight of mine.

Something kind of funny

In life, we make choices.
And sometimes, the choices make us.


---
If I Stay. I haven't watched the film (yet or maybe not at all depending on my bandwidth) but I've read the book. Both books, actually. This post has nothing to do with the film.

Choices are wonderful because they open new pathways and if you're lucky, reveal a new self. We could spend years or seconds making a choice. Sometimes the choice has been made for us, often in the heels of time - internal and shared - expiring. A most difficult and trying experience to go through but inevitable. Doors close when they do. Doors closing open a window to the self, I would like to think.

No lesson. Just a musing.

Animals

       Have you forgotten what we were like then
       when we were still first rate
       and the day came fat with an apple in its mouth
      
       it's no use worrying about Time
       but we did have a few tricks up our sleeves
       and turned some sharp corners
      
       the whole pasture looked like our meal
       we didn't need speedometers
       we could manage cocktails out of ice and water
      
       I wouldn't want to be faster
       or greener than now if you were with me O you
       were the best of all my days

Frank O'Hara (1950)