Gone

Gone are the days when I ---

a. unwittingly

b. consciously

c. was made to

d. made my self

e. a combination of each and all of the above

feel like a ---

a. Jonathan Safran Foer paragraph

“I feel too much. That's what's going on.' 'Do you think one can feel too much? Or just feel in the wrong ways?' 'My insides don't match up with my outsides.' 'Do anyone's insides and outsides match up?' 'I don't know. I'm only me.' 'Maybe that's what a person's personality is: the difference between the inside and outside.' 'But it's worse for me.' 'I wonder if everyone thinks it's worse for him.' 'Probably. But it really is worse for me.” ~ Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

b. David Levithan definition

depleted, adj.: There is a difference between feeling empty and feeling emptied. There is loss from the losing, not the not having.

No longer crippled by blindness, defined as another bout of disappearances; sad songs you can't help but listen to over and over again such as that melody playing in the background when she receded into the loam; being the only one awake when everything ends; and What? What? Where? Where? said the mouse as it flew across the screen in search of you.

Words that come to mind when I think of you: redundant, beautiful, smoke, mess. To hold and to let go. Truth: Despite everything, I enjoyed having you around. Still do. Motley. We are quite something. Whether to laugh or cry or both, I don't know. Har dee har har.

Memorabilia left in the wake of another ending: a note from a distant country kept too pristine, an empty bottle of wine, cigarette lighters (there are two, you lost two -- perhaps, pun intended), the bones of a poem that will not see the light, a translation lost in definition, the weight of a shrug, and the sound of a body forced to forget.

Willingly. Leave me alone with my oxymorons.