Ditch the girdle

Romantic love is one topic that one never really tires of. There will always be some view or other that celebrates the euphoria of love returned or laments the injustice of love unrequited. We are told by some that romantic love is the tie that binds, preventing the human structure from buckling under the weight of an increasingly capitalist world. To others, it is an opiate that dulls the mind and enslaves the psyche to defy logic. To which, French essayist, Andres Maurois, agrees, “We owe to the Middle Ages two of the worst inventions of humanity – romantic love and gunpowder.”

Such opposing views as the above barely scratches the surface of the apparent fascination over romantic love.  This post hopes to highlight that fascination. It will neither celebrate nor lament the failings of romantic love. Rather, it will examine how romantic love relates to society and culture, particularly heterosexual gender relationships. While others have examined the impact of culture on human relationships, I will take on a more feminist approach, focusing on how socially constructed roles influence the romantic practices modern women employ in attracting a potential partner.

Stilettista's note: I promise to explore to the nuances of homosexual love in the future. 

Women's liberation has met its match in the avenue of dating and romance. “After 40 years of women's liberation, women still don't typically ask men out,” says Janet Lever, a sociologist at the California State University, “but that doesn't necessarily mean they don't want to, society just doesn't permits them to do so.” The same holds true in the Philippine dating scene for it is the man who makes the move and the woman who waits patiently, much to her annoyance. Still she waits, because society dictates that she has to. But that was a long time ago when liberation meant girdles gave women the freedom to wear whatever they want.

The girdle has been relegated to the back of the closet but why is she still waiting? She is waiting partly because it is the socially defined appropriate behavior. Alas, there is no way to deny this sad truth and she very well knows it. She is unperturbed however, for she has taken a page out of Sun Tzu's book.

“It is said that if you know your enemy and you know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles.”

She is waiting because she knows that if she makes the first move in a fit of empowerment and liberation, he will retreat. She knows he is not yet prepared for women like her, women who trail blaze their way into the once male dominated world. She doesn't blame him though; he was born into the bondage of his sex as much as she is. Socially constructed dominant, men find it difficult to reconcile the fact that women are equally capable of finding their niche in the world and succeeding, even in this day and age. It is an arrogance born out of centuries of male dominance and the unreasonable insistence on male privilege.

           

            “All warfare is based on deception. Pretend inferiority and encourage his arrogance.”

           

It is not enough for a man to be male; he also has to appear masculine the same way it is not enough for a woman to be female; she has to appear feminine. By waiting for the man to make the first move, the empowered woman makes him feel masculine because she knows he needs to feel masculine as is his social role. She acknowledges that her impressive credentials – attractive, successful, intelligent, and strong – do not equal the submissive femininity that men find so appealing. Being the go getter that she is may end up emasculating him in the process, thwarting all possibilities for a budding romance.

The empowered woman is secure enough to simulate the seemingly inferior and secondary position that she and her forebears have fought long and hard for. She is the damsel in distress to his knight in shining armor. She may find it a hard and bitter pill to swallow but she is superior this way, knowing that eventually, he will wrap himself in her little finger. After all, what uses have we for knights in shining armor when there are no damsels in distress?

           

Socially constructed roles between men and women limit and shape their attitudes and behavior. This is especially evident in romance. Being forced to think and act in the box is one of the worst forms of oppression for the modern empowered woman. She is strong, intelligent and will definitely take initiative, and so she does with a little help from the oldest military treatise in the world. Until society relents, the ammunition will be overflowing.