(Non)sense

Caveat: This post doesn't necessarily have to make sense.


1:30 a.m. -- As I hugged my officemate goodbye, I felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness. Part of it was of her leaving but I could not be entirely sad because she was moving on to better things. She has done her lion's share of waiting. Served time, if I may be so trite. Needless to say, it was time she got a move on and the perfect opportunity had risen. I am happy for her; it was the circumstance that was bringing on the melancholy. These past couple of months has seen a whirlwind of hellos and goodbyes, and "What? Another learning experience?"

I am not complaining. A huge chunk of living is that we are always beginning, always starting something that will unfold unexpectedly. There is beauty and a certain kind of sadness in these words. Sometimes things happen and expectations fall short. Sometimes these beginnings are so exquisite in their beauty that one can't help but be amazed and pleasantly surprised at the odds of these ever happening.

2:00 a.m. -- Opening my door, I am welcomed by the darkness in my apartment. Coming home is a standstill. For most, this respite is welcome. But for some, this, too, can be maddening. In transit, one is mobile, always preoccupied to really delve into the reality of certain emotionally charged experiences. In transit, you don't think, you just move.

Living alone has its perks. The independence is exhilarating. The space is liberating. You learn to create, discern and get to know yourself again and again and again. Independence is a great teacher and an even greater equalizer. It grounds you and snatches your head from its lofty position high up in the clouds. It does get overrated, alas. Independence is being alone. Independence is being constantly strong. Independence is just dealing.

Sometimes you don't want to be alone.
Sometimes you are vulnerable.
Sometimes you don't want to deal.
Sometimes you just want to be human.
Sometimes you don't want to come home to an empty apartment.

2:30 a.m. -- Sleep has eluded me yet again. I yearn to fall into slumber and dream dreams of beautiful beginnings. My soul calls out to the Universe, to calm my heart into a silent throb and to dull my mind's raging frenzy. I could sleep forever, my love, with you in my dreams.