The sharp, aggressive smell hits me almost instantly as soon as I open the bottle. With trembling fingers I pour the wine, careful not to overdo it. I want to savor it, be one with it, get lost in it and momentarily forget that there is something, some perplexity resonating within.
I take a tentative sip and taste the tangy, the tart, the nervy, the racy and the zesty flavors that define my poison of choice tonight. Mind racing, nerves all in a bind, I am a jumbled mess of turmoil and confusion. I look to the wine to render me calm. Calm my nerves, calm my racy heart and perhaps pick it up from its perch on my sleeve.
Another sip. Stronger this time. But still lacking in resolve. It is not just the nerves, there is hurt lurking. Just a sliver, a tiny shard. Hard lesson learned, I see the need to be honest, to not allow my words, my questions and my speculations eat me alive. Words unsaid, questions unanswered are the death of a wondering heart.
A big gulp. The wine goes down smoothly this time. And my body welcomes it whole as if heaving a sigh. Of resignation? Or of acceptance? I choose to accept. The belief that people are bigger than certain circumstances that seemingly weigh them down play on repeat in my mind. These words, they hold true for me and for you.
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